June 2003

Our parents

by Dr. Madeline Behrendt

This month we celebrate Father's Day, although in my family, my dad did not make that marker this year.

Trouble stated in January 2002, and the doctor in me knew what the daughter could not bear. He was not going to get any better.

Each phone call from home brought further defeat. Melanoma, prostate, lung, liver, bone, the list of what the cancer conquered was becoming longer that the list of what was left untouched. My father's tenacity and toughness, which had served him so well in life, offered a different result now as he duked it out in a battle he was never to win, only continue to lose in painful increments.

Caring for parents as they transition into their later and final stages of life is an experience many Baby Boomers are sharing ‑‑ especially women ‑‑ juggling work with the needs of growing children and shrinking parents. With so many parents in declining health, it is becoming increasingly apparent that although there are significant problems within the "health care" system that handles those living but fearful, it is among the dying that these problems escalate to a level more suitable for science fiction than science.

How many cancer patients endure round after round of expensive chemotherapy that is ineffective and simply leads to prolonged pain, decreased quality of life, and further breakdown of the body's defense system? How many elderly, when way past the point of having lost their vitality, are kept manipulated, part of the growing number of human beings transformed into human farms which generate CPT codes and fees? How many are trading dollars for (false) promise instead of process?

Watching the experience of dying, the differences in how patients are cared for between sublxuation‑centered care and the allopathic approach were never more stark.

In my family, wellness‑based practice, I don't teach dependency or desperation, and I partner with those who come to me. I expect them to be active during the process of care. I did not see this approach in the medical management of my father. The structure of chemical treatments and surgeries promote that the doctor is the only one who can influence the outcome, that only by taking any drug or enduring any procedure will desperation be answered, and the patient is encouraged to be passive.

How healing is the feeling of powerlessness?

Those who are closest to the experience of healing within a medical model are nurses. Many are angels, and are also distressed by their system.

I know that many chiropractors have provided care to our own and others' grandparents and parents. I'm always inspired by the incredible ease and function of a person who has been under chiropractic care for many years, and saddened by the spines of those who haven't, as I palpate 20, 30, 40, 50 years of subluxations, knowing that their experience of life has been altered.

Yes, people grow older. But isn't that the point, the growing? On what scale is growing weighed, and how much have subluxations affected this process? NSA has documented that "Seniors, who ordinarily expect to be getting 'older' and losing their quality of life, report remarkable improvement in their wellness and quality of life, year after year."

I also know that many chiropractors have provided care to those in their final stages of life. No one escapes dying, it is part of the human cycle, as B.J. said in The "Truth," no one escapes dying. Dying is part of the human cycle. He wrote: "With tireless energy it bursts the bubble of each individual life and then silently, relentlessly dissolves the form, and absorbs the spirit into itself again."

What can chiropractic offer someone who is dying? The answer is the very same care and caring that chiropractic can offer to everyone. The essence of our value is in addressing, not the limitations of disease, but dis‑ease and the associated changes in human experience. Our benefits include ease, clarity, and the ability to engage to the level of our fullest potential, dignity in moving through this process.

My dad passed two days before I was to give my presentation at the WCA Summit, and I thank my friends at the Summit for providing strength when mine was low, and making me laugh.

Already it's the little things I miss, the gestures that make up our memories. My dad was meticulous about cards, every holiday, always on time. I'm sure he alone kept Hallmark in business, but this past year there were no cards. He couldn't get out. It was his turn to receive. Thankfully, chiropractic helped bring ease to his suffering, and that part of his legacy is that I am using my life to make a difference. Lucky us, chiropractic is a gift we all have to give our parents.

Happy Father's Day to everyone, and let your dads know you love them!

(Dr. Madeline Behrendt is chair of the WCA Council on Women's Health and associate editor of the Journal of Vertebral Subluxation [JVSR]. An author and speaker, she is committed to connecting women to chiropractic and chiropractors to women, and may be contacted at drmadeline@drmadelinedc.com)