August 2006

No more 'Mr. Nice Guy'

by Dr. Kevin Pallis and Dr. Ed Plentz

Sometimes you can't do enough for patients. You're clinically competent, professional, cheerful and you love them. Yet, they discontinue care when their symptoms leave. What happened? It's a classic case of being too nice! It seems like the nicer you are and the more things you do for patients the more they want. Isn't it about time to stop this nonsense?

At Renaissance, we've always been contrarian and here we go again. Patients need boundaries and they need love in the form of discipline. Much like when parents doesn't set boundaries, the children lose, the community loses and there's one more person (or two or three or...) with a loss of purpose and the "I don't care" mentality. They never fully commit to anything in life. The spirit inside of them dies. Relationships, parenting, work... their life is a series of going through the motions.

Your patients aren't seeking answers when they ask you the same old silly questions. They're seeking a re‑clarification of the doctor‑patient relationship when they say things like, "You're not going to adjust me today?" or "I can't possibly come in three times a week!" or "I can't afford it!" ... etc., ad nauseam. When you answer these rhetorical questions, you're labeling yourself to them as a follower instead of what they're looking for ‑‑ a leader!

Recommended reading for our Mentor IV family is the book "Cesar's Way," by Cesar Millan of "Dog Whisperer" fame on the National Geographic channel. He says that people (and dogs) need to feel secure in their leaders. If you represent yourself as a follower your patients (dogs) will reward you with unwanted behavior to get the owner's attention. Unwanted behavior by our practice members is short term care, lack of follow‑through, decreased referral, not attending the New Patient Orientation and, of course, not embracing family care.

Millan stresses throughout the book that the ingredients in a well‑balanced dog are exercise, discipline and affection in that order. When we leave out one or all of the ingredients of this formula the results are an unbalanced dog that will exhibit behaviors that can be dangerous or even life‑threatening.

The same is true of people. When these ingredients are missing, people live unbalanced lives full of struggle and drama and are easily manipulated by peer pressure and social norms. The one ingredient that we as coaches find missing in many a chiropractor's office is discipline. When you're a leader, discipline comes with the territory. When you're a follower, you are relegated to giving people what they want. Just like an overwhelmed parent you cave in to your child's demands.

Imagine a man and a woman living together in a monogamous relationship and one of them rolls over in bed one night and announces he or she'd like to "see" other people. What's urgently necessary is a re‑clarification of the relationship. The point is not to answer the question, but to clarify the relationship. To answer the question only adds to the confusion of the relationship and the tangled emotions of the two involved. If you clearly state this isn't an option for you, you're clearly stating your intentions. The relationship may have deteriorated to the point of no return or there might be an opening for a rebirth of that relationship because it's been clarified.

The same is true with your patients. You "kiss up" to them way too much. The inmates are running the asylum! You think that if you treat them extra nice they'll stay, bring their families and all will be wonderful. Well, wake up, splash some cold water on your face, go to your old discontinued files and look at the hundreds ‑‑ even thousands ‑‑ of people who beg to differ with your line of reasoning. They're gone and the majority won't be returning unless they're injured and their insurance covers it. How long are you going to continue to act this way?

Boundaries and love in the form of discipline are what every patient needs, but some will not accept you as a leader. They must go to the "Burger King" chiropractor down the street to have it their way. The rest of the world understands commitment and discipline and is looking for a true leader. The real question is, will you step up as a leader and risk disappointing some of your old patients to attract a new breed of patient who willingly participates without tricks or coupons and who will accept you as a leader for their whole family? The choice is yours, doctor. Have the courage to set boundaries or let your patients walk all over you.

(The New Renaissance is a movement of passionate chiropractors dedicated to changing the world. The leader in patient education since 1977, the Mentor IV Coaching Program is a step‑by‑step navigational guide that embodies the very essence of The New Renaissance vision of healthier people creating a healthier world. Without patient education, your patients won't "get it." To learn more about The New Renaissance, contact world headquarters at 800‑525‑3879.)