February 2006

How to establish and maintain integrity

by Dr. Dennis Nikitow

Last month, I discussed the importance of integrity in your life and practice. As life moves forward, circumstances can cause a person to compromise his or her integrity for a variety of reasons, as I mentioned.

Regardless of the reason or excuse you might use for losing integrity, it must be reestablished and maintained. Otherwise, your life will spiral downward until you won't be able to stand yourself. Your actions will be compromised and you will begin to live a life of great fear and anxiety. Your integrity is your core. No matter what happens, it must be reestablished and reaffirmed to you and others around you.

Here are some helpful ways to reestablish your integrity:

1. Decide what your convictions are. A conviction is an unwavering belief that is not negotiable. Doing your best, not lying, cheating, stealing, covering up, talking bad about others, are examples of convictions that establish integrity.

If you have a conviction about something, the chances of you violating it due to circumstances is remote. You will rather accept the consequences then go against your convictions.

How do you find your convictions? Sit down and think how you would like to be or who you would like to model. Then write down the beliefs, characteristics, and points of integrity you want to adopt. Commit to adopt these and never violate them.

Next, make a list of circumstances or situations that could sway you to violate these convictions. Run a mental movie as an example, seeing yourself violating these and the consequences that could possibly take place. Notice your feelings. Guilt, shame, fear etc. Now, take a mental picture of the same circumstance, and this time turning away and sticking to your convictions. Notice your feelings now. Squeeze your fist, sit up straight and say "yes" and anchor the feeling. This is the first step toward reestablishing your integrity.

2. Confess your failure. If you've made certain mistakes that violated your convictions, admit them and start taking your life in a new direction immediately. You have to come to a place where you can admit your wrongs and identify your faults. If you can't, you'll begin to compromise your integrity with excuses and cover‑ups. Winners fail a lot but are not failures because they persevere. Failing never means you're a failure.

Everything you do in life is an attempt. You perceive an outcome and take an action as an attempt towards your goal. After you fail at an attempt, evaluate your actions, your timing, and your environment. Change what you can and try again.

Establish this concept in your mind. You will fail many times in your life, but look at each failure as a learning experience and stepping stone that gets you closer to success. This way, you will be sure to maintain your integrity and character, and not get sucked up into excuses and conformity that compromise your integrity. Winners will never call you a failure, because they understand that failing will be a part of succeeding .

3. Make amends. A person of integrity will always make amends to those they've wronged. They ask for forgiveness and make restitution. And, they pay back what they owe and go to great lengths to make certain they don't wrong again. Once more, look for excuses and cover‑ups as a sign you're drifting away from integrity. Confront the issues at hand. You'll feel strong ‑‑ and better.

4. Lastly, begin establishing relationships with people of high integrity. Eagles fly with eagles and pigeons with pigeons. I personally follow godly principles and develop strong relationships with similar people. I try to serve others, lift others up and support them to help them grow. Sometimes that means helping people face harsh realities and struggles that they wouldn't do on their own. Similarly, I have people in my life who will do the same for me. We become accountability partners, which strengthens our integrity.

In summary, you could achieve much fame and fortune in life but if you do it without integrity, don't count yourself a success.

(To learn about the Certainty System, Certainty Practice Products and Dr. Dennis Nikitow's upcoming seminar schedule, call 800‑544‑3884. Outside the US, 303‑721‑6202.)